Warning--- Today I feel helpless!
Mothers are supposed to be able to make their children feel better, but I can't.
Sarah felt very down this morning, she misses school, friends, and a "normal" teenage life.
I miss those things for her too, we all do. All the books, arts and crafts, and outings in the world are not going to change the fact that she is sick, (even though she feels ok) and missing her old life. I feel helpless! I can't kiss it and make it better; I can't stop time so she doesn't miss out on things; I can't make this damn disease go away. There is no quick fix, and even though rationally we have accepted the fact that the next several months will be filled with doctors, treatments, and more tests, emotionally we are anything but accepting.
CANCER SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My child is suffering, my family is suffering, I am suffering, and I am HELPLESS to do anything that will make this nightmare end. If I could make the pain and sadness and fear go away, I would, in a heartbeat. The fact that I can't hurts in ways I never thought possible.
So dear family and friends, today I feel helpless and humbled by this all powerful disease.
It was a sad day. Tomorrow will be better. We will hit the ground running, so look out cancer, we will beat you in the end!!
xo m
YES YOU WILL!!!! You have a team behind you all and we are here for everyone. Keep the FAITH
ReplyDeleteMaria: that was so heartfelt.Cancer is what we in my family call the beast! Battling the Beast! I shave my head for St.Bricks Foundation for kids with cancer.Even though now some kids do not lose their hair, it makes a statement.This year it will be shaved for Sarah, you, Zen, and Gregory.And I will wear my fucancer shirt proudly.Thank you and keep battling the beast.My sisters beat it!
ReplyDeleteplease don't feel helpless! Believe me I used to feel helpless when my mom had cancer but you just need to know that your support and presence IS ENOUGH! Just keep loving Sarah and everything will be alright!
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