Back from the Edge!

Hi all, I'm back from the edge!
I have been feeling so down, blue, discouraged, unhappy, and over stressed the past few days, I wanted a break from reality.  Problem is, there is no way to escape from the problems in your life, they always seem to be hovering close by.  Facing the bad and looking for solutions is the only way to keep going and to move on.  I am really struggling with the havoc that cancer has brought to my family; I feel trapped by its far reaching powers.  Sarah is still dealing with the physical and emotional side effects of her illness; she just wants to be done, she wants her old life back.  Problem is realizing and accepting that the "old normal" is gone, and acknowledging that a "new normal" needs to be created.  Change is never easy, especially when you feel that it is being forced down your throat; it is also not easy to be the one doing the "forcing."  I hope that Sarah can come to terms with, and embrace the changes in her life.  Right now, for many reasons, going back to Sacred Heart U is not a viable option, but Sarah has been offered some great alternatives, so she can resume her education and still be home.  I hope she can accept this, and turn her disappointment  into something positive.  The future will be bright, and happy if she chooses for it to be!!!  Attitude is everything :)

Aside from dealing with Sarah and her future, I have been dealing with the financial burden of cancer, and it is huge!  The stem cell transplant phase of her treatment is literally hundreds of thousands of dollars. This was all pre-certified with the insurance company, by the hospital, so why are we still getting bills????
I spent several hours over many days searching on line for, and trying to decipher E.O.B's (explanation of benefits) from the insurance company; then I had to match these to the bills.  If I did this all correctly, it was worth the time, according to the E.O.B's the hospital was paid the contracted rate, and we do not have to pay the difference.  (Thank goodness, since we are still paying off phase one).  I made copies of all the statements and today I will mail them, let the hospital and the insurance company battle it out!

I have spent the past 5 months, in and out of the hospital, with Sarah, not really giving much thought to what the house looked like; this past weekend I took a good look :( :( Apparently the boys did not give the house much thought either, forget dust bunnies, we had dust elephants!!!! They have all been put to rest; I cleaned like a mad woman yesterday, scrubbing, dusting and vacuuming almost the whole house!
Zen's office and Greg's room remain untouched, hopefully the boys will pick up on the cleanliness theme, and clean their caves!!!

With any luck the weather will cooperate and we will have some sunny days ahead, without the afternoon thunder and rain.  Here's to brighter days!
Maria :)