Heat Wave!

A month of temperatures over 90 degrees feels like one continuous hot flash!!
Needless to say, I have been a little out of sorts.
I spent July 6-12 at Brant Lake with the "family."  It was soooooo hot, I went in the Lake, first time in a few years.  All the planning and e-mails made for a very well coordinated vacation, lots of good food, drinks and fun!  Sarah was only able to stay the first weekend because of work, but she made the most of her 2 days and had a great time swimming, skiing, and visiting with her cousins.  We all look forward to our yearly family reunion at Brant Lake, so many memories, both old and new.  For me, the yearly trip to the lake is bittersweet, I love spending time with my mom and sisters, but I miss them even more when the week is over.  We walk, talk, reminisce, and catch up on the daily lives of our families; and then the week is over.  As all of our children get older, finding time to get together gets harder and harder, between jobs, school and sports, finding a common "free" weekend is not easy.  We have to get by on phone calls and texts until the next reunion,  "girls weekend" and that is not until October or November!

This year was our first trip without my dad, so many memories of him at the lake, making pasta was not the same without him!  On our first night, as a tribute to Dad, we set off Chinese Lanterns.  All of us sent our love and wishes to him, along with the lanterns.  It was a touching and really beautiful way to remember a great man.  Later in the week my mom, sisters and I went on a boat ride and sprinkled a few of Dad's ashes in the Lake he so dearly loved.  Brant Lake is and always will be a very special place for my family.  Rest in peace Daddy.

At home it was back to business as usual; laundry, cleaning, knitting, shopping and cooking.  I have been trying some really great vegetable and salad recipes from a website called, Oh She Glows.  I have been making a conscious effort to eat healthier foods, and have been trying to get Zen and the kids to do the same.  Convincing them to eat healthier is like banging my head on a brick wall, oh well, at least I am setting a good example!  I am also trying to use products with ingredients that are safer for myself and my family; another undertaking that is not as easy as it seems.  So many products have added ingredients that are unnecessary,  unhealthy, and possibly even dangerous; I have been spending these unbearably hot days indoors, doing research, much to my family's dismay!  I am determined to have them be healthier, whether they like it or not.  Livestrong and Wellness Mama, are two other websites that I have found to be very informative and useful.

Have a happy, healthy day, and keep cool.
I am off to get a cup of green tea and do some more research!

Spring ??

Yesterday was the first day of spring, so why does it still feel like winter?  It was only 34 degrees today with no sun to be seen, getting really tired of gray skies.  Sarah has been home this week on "Spring" break, despite the weather we have been enjoying ourselves.  We have shopped until dropping, looking for the perfect dress for her sorority formal.  Found a beautiful black dress at Nordstroms, fit like a glove and on sale, everybody happy!  Then it was off to find shoes for this weekend; we have a "gala" fundraiser to attend on Saturday evening that raises money for children with cancer.  Sarah applied for, and was awarded a scholarship from the Fighting Childhood Cancer Foundation.  We both found new black shoes, also on sale, we are all set.  Just in case...... we went shopping again, for a purple dress; this new addition, along with what is already in her closet,  has Sarah prepared for all upcoming social gatherings.  She decided to "model" all of her choices, with me as photographer, so she could get input from aunts, cousins and friends.  During the photo shoot we noticed that one of the new dresses still had a security tag attached, #!^&*+_!, you guessed it, today we had to go back to the Short Hills Mall to get the offending tag removed.  While there we saw our friend, Amy, at the Clinique counter for much needed makeovers.  From there we went grocery shopping at Kings, where we dazzled everyone with our newly made up faces.  When we finally got back home, we did an art project, made tacos for dinner, ate, and now I am ready for a rest!  Sarah is doing homework, Greg is at school, Zen is at the Club, and I am about to start a new knitting project; all is well in our little corner of the world!

photo shoot

Recently finished Knitting projects:

NEWS

Greetings friends,

Last post I was waiting for snow to begin; it started, stopped and melted all in 2 days! 
Today I am looking at the gray sky, watching the rain fall, and wishing for sunshine.

This past weekend was exciting, Sarah had lots of good news to report.
(can you guess which one is most important??)
1. Raising so much money for Ramapo's Relay for Life, she has to keep upping her goal $.
2. She has a date for Sorority Formal!
3. No more headache.
4. Awarded a Howard Honigfeld Scholarship for child cancer survivors.
5. Had a great time at sorority karaoke/dance fundraiser.
6. Date for formal = a new dress!
7. Date for formal = new shoes!
8. Date for formal = $$
9. Date for formal = :) :) :)
10. Studying for midterms :(
11. Almost spring break :)
12. Did I mention, she has a date for formal!!!!!!!

Oh to be 20 again, and so excited about life!

My weekend:
Cleaned house, did laundry, put shelf together with Greg; ( Greg started putting shelf together, Zen gave advice, Greg stopped putting shelf together, I decided to put shelf together myself, shelf not going together, Zen not interested in helping, leaves for club,  convince Greg to help again, Greg annoyed that I can't follow directions, 3 hours later damn shelf finally together, laundry room  organized),  dinner with friends, did more laundry, admired shelf, watched Downton Abby marathon, did lots of knitting, considered exercising, knit some more!

Realized that I am happy to not be 20 anymore, and decided I will never put together another shelf!

:)

waiting for snow

Thursday morning, drinking coffee and waiting for the predicted snow to start falling!  Fortunately, I have lots of yarn to keep me entertained if/when it does.  Sarah was home on Tuesday night, it was great to see her in person and not Face-Time.  We all had dinner together, a rare occurrence these days with Sarah away and Greg at class 3 nights a week,  it is usually just Zen and me at the counter.  I miss family dinners and catching up with my "grown-up" kids!   

I went to the eye doctor on Monday, now I have to see a retina specialist, will it never end?  I need these eyes to work properly, seeing "floaters" interrupts my knitting and driving.  My "seeing-eye husband" is tired of chauffeuring me around.  

I guess I should stop staring at the computer screen and give my eyes a rest.

Bye for now :)

Catching Up

Happy Monday Morning!

I have spent the last week going through closets, doing the annual "almost spring" clean-up.  Feels good to purge, even got rid of some old knitting projects.  I have to admit that some of my early knitting attempts  needed to go.  Trying hard to convince Zen and Greg to do some closet purging, without much luck I might add; those two really hate getting rid of things.  I also spent time catching up with friends, going out to lunch and/or dinner; nothing better than good friends, good conversations, and good food!

Sarah is doing very well.  I am so proud of her, she is trying to put the past behind her and get on with her life.  Fundraising for Relay for Life has been an empowering experience for her, she is fighting cancer in a positive way.  Thanks to all who have helped her in this endeavor, with a month left to go she is well on her way to meeting her goal!

My eyes have been bothering me again, so I have taken a short break from knitting.  I am anxious to begin using some of my "stash" of light weight yarns for my ever growing list of spring/summer knitting projects.   Thanks to Ravelry, (a great knitting website)  the list keeps getting longer.

That's all my news for now. Keep Smiling!
:)

Some of the Christmas Knitting.......

Remember Me?

Hi all, sorry I have been out of touch for so long, 2 months to be exact.
First off, let me say it has been 7 months since Sarah's stem cell transplant.  She looks amazing, and has been feeling great.  I can't believe it has been a year since this journey began.  Last December she was so sick she slept through Christmas, this year will be different, we have so much to celebrate.

October was a hard month for us, we went to see my Dad for his 83rd birthday, which ended up being his last.  It is so hard to watch someone you love slowly disappear, and that is what Parkinson's disease did to my dad.  My intelligent, witty, and loving father had been slowly disappearing over the past few years; I miss him everyday, but I am comforted by the fact that he is not suffering anymore.  My amazing mom is strong as ever, committed to living life to the fullest and being present in the lives of her children and grandchildren.   Thanks to "Super Storm Sandy," (no power for 2 weeks) I was fortunate to spend time at my dad's bedside, with my mom and sisters, reminiscing about childhood memories.  I will treasure that time forever.

November brought us back home and back to reality.  As Thanksgiving approached, we gave thanks for Sarah's health, and for all of our family, friends, and doctors who supported us through this difficult year.  Sarah's most recent MRI (November 13) showed no changes, hooray!  She will continue to have a "surveillance" MRI every 3 months for at least the next year.  Doctor M also suggested that her port remain in for the year, and Sarah agreed, she wants to avoid getting stuck by needles at all costs!!

Sarah is looking forward to getting back to school in January.  We went to the transfer student orientation at Ramapo College this week, and we were both very impressed.  Her schedule is made, all the forms are handed in, move-in day is January 21st, and classes start on the 22nd!  She is ready to go and get back to her life, not so sure about me, I know i have to let her go, but it will be hard!

Throughout all this time, I have been knitting my stress away!  Several Christmas presents are done, and I finished a few commissioned orders.  Lots more to do, so back to the rocking chair I go.

Be back soon, M

Just a few items, modeled by Sarah.

7/31/12

Hi everybody,
Sarah and I went to get our nails done on Saturday, we were relaxing and enjoying being pampered until "that girl" came in, you know the one, she thinks the entire world needs to hear about her life.  Needless to say, that was the end of peace and quiet! But, even with all of the disruption, our fingers and turquoise toes looked fabulous!  Sunday we went to a baby shower for my dear friend Chris's son and daughter-in-law; amazing how many things one tiny baby needs!  We had a great time, and enjoyed seeing all of the beautiful gifts.  When I arrived home Sunday afternoon, I learned that my dad was back in the hospital.  Apparently he has an infection that compounded the Parkinson's symptoms, so he needed to be admitted and receive IV antibiotics, the fun just never ends.  Monday we laid low at home, I am still trying to get over a bad case of laryngitis, which is difficult with all of the "coordination" phone calls between the sisters.  Today, Sarah had a doctors appointment, and tomorrow we leave for Saratoga to see my dad, and help my mom line up some help.  Sarah is hoping to see some cousins while there!!!!  I am hoping to get an hour to run to my favorite yarn shop, the stash is dwindling!  Hey, with all that is going on in my life, I need yarn to keep me going.

Baby Blanket for Shower

Race Cars for Baby

so true!

M :)

Happy July 4th!

July, hard to believe 2012 is almost half over!  
Last Saturday night we went to Chelsea's Graduation party,(down the street) it was a great party, so nice to see friends and catch up.  Seeing Greg and the boys together, all grown up and drinking beer brought back memories of them all as kids going to school and hanging out at each others houses.  Chelsea was 2 years old when we moved into this house, now she has graduated high school and is heading off to college; where has the time gone?  Sarah looked great, and was happy to be out of the house, visiting with friends.  Ever since the doctor said she should postpone going back to school until January, it is like a weight has been lifted.  No more pressure; she can take her time getting better and stronger with out worrying about keeping up with school work.  It is great to see her relaxed and enjoying herself again.  


I have been trying to focus more on myself, and my health these days.  All of the research I have been doing has convinced me that what you eat truly makes a difference in how you feel, and how much energy you have.  The old adage, "you are what you eat" has really hit home.  Unfortunately, my family is not so anxious to join me in changing their diets, and switching to healthier food choices.  My biggest objector is Greg; just the thought of healthier food sent him to the grocery store for corn-dogs, french fries, and Hot Pockets!  I hope he gets a good job with great medical benefits, he is going to need them!!


Yesterday,  Sarah and I went to Short Hills Mall with Zen to look at Mac laptops since my old Mac desktop is on its last leg.  My computer is running on an old operating system that is not capable of upgrading to the most recent software applications.   As always, the Apple store was crowded with customers, but we were still able to test out the options, and agree on a Mac Book Air.  Now it is up to Zen to go back and purchase it!  


After the Apple store, Sarah and I went to the Clinique counter at Nordstrom's, to see our friend/salesperson, Amy.  She was happy to see us, especially Sarah, we were treated to makeovers, and left looking and feeling great!


I have been meaning to tell you all about some of my favorite websites, have fun exploring!


ravelry.com --for knitting/crocheting
etsy.com-- for unique hand-made items
pinterest-- for everything
wellnessmama.com
crazysexylife.com--Kris Carr- amazing cancer survivor!
thewelldaily.com




Happy 4th of July
Maria :)

Road Trip

Greetings from Saratoga Springs, NY. Sarah, Greg, and I decided to visit mom and dad for a few days. We arrived on Tuesday afternoon, joining Chris, Chrisopher, Kathy, Annie, and Sammy. Sammy couldn't wait for Greg to take them all mini golfing, or as Sammy called it, "obstacle golfing." Today the boys went swimming and to the driving range, while the girls and I went shopping. Sarah took some great pictures down at the lake with her new camera; Annie was her model. Chris, Kathy, Mom and I all made dinner together, which was a lot of fun. Looking forward to another relaxing day tomorrow, and a visit to the local yarn shop, which is one of my favorites! It is nice to have a change of scenery and visit with family!

Monday

 Hi everyone, 

On Friday we made a trip to Montclair University to check out Sarah's options 
since she can not go back to SHU until January, we decided not to decide yet!  
She needs time to get stronger, so she will most likely stay on medical leave, 
maybe take an online course, and reevaluate all of her options.
We had a quiet weekend at home, staying in and staying cool!!!  
At least Sarah and I stayed in, the boys played golf.  
Greg also went bowling on Sunday, he is becoming quite the bowler,
heeven got his own shoes!!  
I have been knitting like crazy, trying to finish up my "works in progress."  

Finally took some photos today, none of the "professionals" were available, 
so blame the quality on me and my iphone.

shawl 1

shawl 1 (back)

shawl 2

doll

Summer is here.

Hi all, trying hard to stay cool, summer arrived in full force yesterday! Monday we went to Connecticut, and it was a beautiful day, not too hot and no humidity, just the way I like it. We saw my mom and dad along with my sister Donna and her family; it is always great to see them. Family, especially the little ones, are always great morale boosters. Tuesday I visited with my dear friend, Chris, our busy lives have not given us much time to get together, it was great to see her and catch up. Wednesday was a doctor day, Sarah saw Dr. M at Overlook Hospital, great news, her blood counts are all going up, we don't have to go back for 2 weeks! Now we need to fatten her up a little, and work on improving her mood; she is just starting to process and deal with the affects of her illness. She has been through so much, but my girl is a fighter, I know she will come out of this stronger than ever!! Today we had a great visit with Sarah's " little" sorority sister and her mom, looking forward to seeing them again soon. I am now sitting in my favorite chair with 2 fans blasting, along with the air conditioner, I hope tomorrow is a little cooler! Time to get back to my knitting, but first, I want to wish all of you a happy, healthy, and not too hot summer :)

Back from the Edge!

Hi all, I'm back from the edge!
I have been feeling so down, blue, discouraged, unhappy, and over stressed the past few days, I wanted a break from reality.  Problem is, there is no way to escape from the problems in your life, they always seem to be hovering close by.  Facing the bad and looking for solutions is the only way to keep going and to move on.  I am really struggling with the havoc that cancer has brought to my family; I feel trapped by its far reaching powers.  Sarah is still dealing with the physical and emotional side effects of her illness; she just wants to be done, she wants her old life back.  Problem is realizing and accepting that the "old normal" is gone, and acknowledging that a "new normal" needs to be created.  Change is never easy, especially when you feel that it is being forced down your throat; it is also not easy to be the one doing the "forcing."  I hope that Sarah can come to terms with, and embrace the changes in her life.  Right now, for many reasons, going back to Sacred Heart U is not a viable option, but Sarah has been offered some great alternatives, so she can resume her education and still be home.  I hope she can accept this, and turn her disappointment  into something positive.  The future will be bright, and happy if she chooses for it to be!!!  Attitude is everything :)

Aside from dealing with Sarah and her future, I have been dealing with the financial burden of cancer, and it is huge!  The stem cell transplant phase of her treatment is literally hundreds of thousands of dollars. This was all pre-certified with the insurance company, by the hospital, so why are we still getting bills????
I spent several hours over many days searching on line for, and trying to decipher E.O.B's (explanation of benefits) from the insurance company; then I had to match these to the bills.  If I did this all correctly, it was worth the time, according to the E.O.B's the hospital was paid the contracted rate, and we do not have to pay the difference.  (Thank goodness, since we are still paying off phase one).  I made copies of all the statements and today I will mail them, let the hospital and the insurance company battle it out!

I have spent the past 5 months, in and out of the hospital, with Sarah, not really giving much thought to what the house looked like; this past weekend I took a good look :( :( Apparently the boys did not give the house much thought either, forget dust bunnies, we had dust elephants!!!! They have all been put to rest; I cleaned like a mad woman yesterday, scrubbing, dusting and vacuuming almost the whole house!
Zen's office and Greg's room remain untouched, hopefully the boys will pick up on the cleanliness theme, and clean their caves!!!

With any luck the weather will cooperate and we will have some sunny days ahead, without the afternoon thunder and rain.  Here's to brighter days!
Maria :)

Wednesday June 6

Greetings from my rocking chair, I am taking time out from disapointing my daughter to knit and watch TV. I am apparently also guilty of being to easy on my son, I can't win these days, someone is always unhappy. Yesterday Zen and I took Sarah down to RWJ for her weekly check-up. She had blood work done and then we met with one of the nurse practitioners; Sarah lost more weight, her counts went down a little, and she is neutropenic again. It seems every time we take 1 step forward, we take 2 steps back! Sarah is still taking a lot of medicine, the meds make her sleepy and nauseous, she doesn't eat much and that adds to the nausea; around and around we go. The nurse eliminated one medicine, and cut back on another, hopefully that will help; she also suggested that Sarah eat more protein, get some light exercise, and even spend a little time in the sun, hopefully she will listen. It seems like forever, but in actuality it has been only 29 days since the stem cell transplant, it takes an average of 100 days to recover, and up to six months to really get your strength back; I am sure Sarah will be fine, it is me I am not so sure about! I think I have reached my limit when it comes to stress and dealing with my families expectations. I think it is time for a family meeting! For now, back to knitting. :(

Reality vs. Expectation

Good morning, at least so far, everyone else is still sleeping! Yesterday we made the trek down to see Sarah's doctor at the cancer institute, the first of what will be weekly post transplant check-ups. Arrived and found a parking space right out front,(unbelievable) checked in and waited about 15 minutes,(average) Sarah's vitals good, now for the doctor...... I think/know that Sarah expected to hear that she was DONE, better, finished, good to go, no more meds, do what you want, have a nice life, good bye! In reality we heard; you have been through hell, still recovering, keep taking meds,(you can take the disgusting liquid only once a day) No driving, No swimming,(this one was not taken well) No large crowds, blood work every week for a while, MRI in 2 weeks, keep resting, see you next week. The tears started back at no swimming! Went down to lab for blood work, the techs can't access port, Sarah did not want to wait for a nurse, so she told the tech to just use her arm, and to be careful! Done for the day, can't find Zen, he is off looking for quarters for the parking meter. Sarah is unhappy with just about everything, except the news that she can cut down on the disgusting liquid medicine. It is very difficult to think about the future, when you feel like your here and now is horrible and limited. I do understand, she is unhappy about all the things she is missing or has already missed, but hopefully she will realize that it doesn't have to be miserable, that she doesn't have to be miserable!! It's all about attitude at this point; choose to see the glass half full my dear daughter; yes some choices are out of your control, but not all of them. You can choose to be happy, choose to make the best of your time and energy, choose to show the stupid cancer that you beat it, choose to make your future bright and happy! As for me, I am choosing less stress, less chocolate, and more happiness. Bye for now, Maria ;)

Memorial Day. 5/28/12

Happy Memorial Day! Another relaxing day, with a little housework mixed in. Sarah has been sleeping a lot, and not really eating much; I think it is probably all the medicine she is taking. Tomorrow we go back down to New Brunswick to the Cancer Institute at RWJ to see the stem-cell transplant team. Sarah is really hoping that they will eliminate some of the meds. I just want to hear that she is doing well!! When we got home last week, Sarah received an acceptance letter to Montclair University; so now we have to visit both Montclair and College of St. Elizabeth, so she can compare them with Sacred Heart,and make a decision. I am so glad that she has choices, no matter what she decides. (although I do have an opinion, but I'll keep it to myself for now). Anyway right now I am just anxious for tomorrow and the doctors appointment. Happy to report that my dad is doing well at home, happy that mom is getting some help so she can get out with out worrying. The entire Marino Clan is looking forward to a happy, healthy summer and our family vacation at the lake. Maria :)

Happy 20th Birthday Sarah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

May 23, 1992 at 3:24pm my beautiful baby girl arrived via c-section, after more than 24 hours of labor!! She shares her birthday with her cousin Nicole, twins, 8 years apart. This is also the day that Aunt Donna graduated from college. Today we are celebrating at the hospital, the nurses have been wonderful, they gave her balloons, 2 penguins and a cake! Greg ate most of the cake even though it wasn't chocolate. Sarah received lots of cards and well wishes. We decorated the room with her cards, it makes it so much more cheerful. Although Sarah is not at all happy about being back at RWJ for her birthday, she has a lot to celebrate. Cancer treatment done, stem-cell transplant done, no fever for almost 24 hours, blood counts good, today's cat scan, X-ray, MRI, and ultrasound all good!! One more special MRI tonight, if the results are good, hopefully all possible complications will have been ruled out and we will be able to go home, for good this time! Zen left tonight after dinner, and I am here to stay; Sarah and I are anxiously awaiting the season finale of American Idol, even though we each like a different contestant. All things considered, it has been a good day. Happy birthday Sarah, stay strong, be brave, keep fighting, you have many more birthdays in your future. Maria:)

We're Back........

Sleeping in my own bed again was great, in fact I slept so well that when Zen tried waking me at 6am, it took a minute for me to realize where I was! Why was he waking me so early? Sarah had a fever of 104.3, here we go again....... Called the hospital and doctor, they wanted to check her out, so off we went back to RWJ. Entering through emergency was not nearly as bad as we imagined. They checked us right in, put us in a sanitary room, accessed her port with ease, and did blood work and a chest x-ray in a very short amount of time. The ER doctor came in, followed shortly by oncology. Before we knew it we were back on the 4th floor in the BMTU; the good news is that the preliminary blood work was all good, Sarah's counts are sill going up, in fact her white blood count jumped from 6.9 to 16.8!! The infectious disease doctors came in and said all looked good, her fever went down below 100 and stayed down. The bad news, unfortunately once you go to the hospital, they want to watch you over night and wait for the 24 hour blood culture results. Since my back is still in knots, Sarah agreed to have Zen stay with her tonight, so Greg came to pick me up and bring Zen a few things from home. Greg and I headed home, with a quick stop to do some birthday shopping, and then out to dinner with the Scannella's, which was a nice treat since I really did not want to cook. Zen and Sarah napped, ordered pizza, and settled in for what hopefully be a one night hospital stay. Meanwhile, my dad is still in the hospital, so I am waiting to hear what is going on there. So, off to bed with high hopes that Monday will bring only good news. Maria

Picc Line

What is a PICC Line and Why Do I Need It?   A PICC line is, by definition and per its acronym, a peripherally inserted central catheter. It is long, slender, small, flexible tube that is inserted into a peripheral vein, typically in the upper arm, and advanced until the catheter tip terminates in a large vein in the chest near the heart to obtain intravenous access. It is similar to other central lines as it terminates into a large vessel near the heart. However, unlike other central lines, its point of entry is from the periphery of the body the extremities. And typically the upper arm is the area of choice. A PICC line provides the best of both worlds concerning venous access. Similar to a standard IV, it is inserted in the arm, and usually in the upper arm under the benefits of ultrasound visualization. Also, PICCs differ from peripheral IV access but similar to central lines in that a PICCs termination point is centrally located in the body allowing for treatment that could not be obtained from standard periphery IV access. In addition, PICC insertions are less invasive, have decreased complication risk associated with them, and remain for a much longer duration than other central or periphery access devices. Using ultrasound technology to visualize a deep, large vessel in the upper arm, the PICC catheter is inserted by a specially trained and certified PICC nurse specialist. Post insertion at the bedside, a chest x-ray is obtained to confirm ideal placement. The entire procedure is done in the patient's room decreasing discomfort, transportation, and loss of nursing care. A PICC line may requested for a variety of treatment options which include some of the following: -Prolonged IV antibiotic treatment; -IV access obtainable by less invasive and longer lasting methods; -Multiple accesses obtainable with one access line; -TPN Nutrition; -Chemotherapy;; -IV access related to physiological factors; and -Home or sub-acute discharge for extended treatment. PICCs are frequently used to obtain central venous access for patients in acute care, home care and skilled nursing care. Since complication risks are less with PICC lines, it is preferred over other forms of central venous catheters. A PICC is not appropriate for all patients. Proper selection to determine the appropriateness of this device is required. The PICC may have single or multiple lumen's. This depends on how many intravenous therapies are needed. A PICC line can be used for antibiotics, pain medicine, chemotherapy, nutrition, or for the drawing of blood samples. PICCs can be inserted by radiologists, physician assistants or certified registered nurses. They are inserted using ultrasound technology at the bedside or ultrasound wit fluoroscopy. Chest radiographs are also used to confirm placement of the PICC tip if it was not inserted using fluoroscopy.

RWJ. Day 5

Sunday is a lazy day, even in the hospital! Sarah woke up not feeling well, the only things she can keep down are pretzels and Pepsi. We watched 2 movies so far today, "Footloose" ( the new version is no where near as good as the original), and our all time favorite movie "Music and Lyrics". Zen came to see us, and brought more supplies from home, then Greg made a surprise appearance after work. It was great to see them, we miss our boys very much, Sarah was exhausted after they left and slept for over an hour. I am tired too, doing nothing is exhausting! I have been trying to knit, but my heart just isn't in it, I am just not inspired right now. This is actually the second time I am trying to write this post, once again I tried to make corrections, and it disappeared, I never learn! Anyway, I am feeling blue today, seeing my baby in pain is literally breaking my heart. Sarah reads my blog, and doesn't like me to get too "mushy" so let me just say that for me, as a mother, this is a nightmare. PLEASE, God if you are out there and listening, make my baby get well quickly; she is young, bright and beautiful, and she has a lot of living still to do! We are counting down the days until Sarah's 20th birthday, 17 to be exact, all she wants is to be at home, and to be healthy and "normal" again, oh and let us not forget, she wants a car! That's my girl, wish big sweetheart. This horrible cancer is like a thief, robbing my daughter of her health, youth and innocence; she is the bravest person I know. Keep fighting Sarah, I know you can beat this; there is a beautiful future waiting for you. Sarah has always risen to a challenge, I am confident that she will find something positive in this horrible experience, and make the world a better place.  Together we will get through this, one day, one hour, one minute at a time. Thanks for listening, maria