"A mother is only as happy as her saddest child" author unknown

Hi all, it has taken me a few days to regroup after the last hospital stay. To say last Thursday Sarah had a melt down is an understatement!! I am not sure if it was the steroids, having her (.) or a momentary glimpse of reality, but she hit bottom. She wanted to be "heard" , she wanted to leave the hospital, she wanted to be "normal", she wanted to put on a new dress, get her nails done, and go to the SHU formal, she wanted her old life back! Why have a meltdown now? Popular question. Treatment number 6 could very possibly be the last "regular" treatment, while this is a good thing, it is also very scary. The end of something, even something that you hate, can be just as stressful and frightening as the beginning, because the end of one thing means you have to move on and take the next step. In Sarah's case this means a stem cell transplant and a very long stay at the Cancer Institute of NJ. Cancer has become a reality and it is scary! I do not think Sarah has reached any level of acceptance yet, denial is a great defense mechanism, and when your defenses are down, even momentarily,
reality can be overwhelming. As far as we have come since January 6th, we still have far to go; and the future is full of fear, anxiety, uncertainty, and HOPE.
Today we finished college transfer applications,"just in case," a necessary precaution, even though Sarah is adamant about returning to Sacred Heart in the fall. I am trying hard to convince her to keep her options open, not an easy task, when she so desperately wants to return to all she has lost. Hard to believe it was 4 months ago today that Sarah arrived home for winter break, looking forward to the holidays, rest, and her head and stomach to stop hurting!
 As the saying goes, "you have come a long way baby!"